The Things I Do ...

would make a slut blush blue.

But, I can't get outta what I'm into.

Doesn't Liz Phair have a way with words?

I got back from Chi on Saturday night and I am still recovering. It was bombastic, Chi..... Everything: Elizabeth's hood, venues, the dancing, the record store, the book stores, the fooooooood.

I still have the need to write about the Madonna Experience. I took copious notes....I had to. It was too mind-blowing not to. To see her was so goddamn surreal, since America's eyes have been so lavished with Madonna's *image* for the past 20 years, it is simply bizarre to see her in person. That's what I always read, too. People continually say "in person--she's more beautiful and more short than you would imagine."

I agree.

This tiny, gorgeous creature on that hugenormous stage. There she was, in the flesh, that luminous, whiter shade-of-pale-flesh. Pumping out the dance moves, sweating, grinding, writhing, and shaking her hot-as-can-be-47-year-old t & a. It became immediately obvious how she captivated the world.

It was her gams! Or, to put it more a bit more dignified, (as Camille Paglia likes to use in her essays on Madonna) her original aspirations and schooling were *dance* dreams. She is a dancer. A stripper. A sculpted body. An artist. A workhorse. She just *happened* to stumble on this pop star, singer thing and it really fucking worked. And she wanted people to join her. She really wanted Everybody, to dance and sing, get up and do their thing. Oh, and she's not just a bod, she happens to be bloody *brilliant.* She continued what Debbie Harry (and others!) started before her: she uses her sex *with* her smarts to get the world...off.

She still does get us all off and (granted, this is part of the tightly scripted Show) tells the "MUTHAFUCKERS" in the front ("you must be the rich people," she says to the cheers of the nosebleeds) to get up and dance, too. This is effective.

Perhaps the *most* effective bits of the whole show were the moments (several songs) that had her alone on the stage, just singing and dancing by herself. Working up a sweat, mussing up her longer-than-I-expected blonde, "perfect" hair, to a sweaty mane of hair she whipped around reckessly (with intent).

The best example was the sultry, Chicago-esque (the musical) rendering of "Like It Or Not." Not one of my faves from Confessions, but it became a favorite after the show. It was just her and a chair on the edge of the catwalk (closest to us). She worked that chair and the crowd, boy. And somehow, just somehow, it was intimate. She made that huge arena feel a little smaller, for a few minutes. It almost felt like it was an audition. That kind of wanting-to-please attitude she can't seem to shake. Course...the lyrics are "this is who I am/ you can like it or not/ you can take me or leave me/ I'm never gonna stop/ no, no, no, no." [= fuck all y'all; punk rock]

So, yes. She clearly loves approval, but *clearly* she also loves to...."upset" people [on the cross for "Live to Tell"...ON THE FUCKING CRUCIFIX!!!]. This made me think of mean, mad, upsetters and just how fucking punk rock Madonna is. Yes. Sofuckingpunk.

At this punk house I used to hang at when I was 18, all the Ramones/Stiff Little Fingers/Sex Pistols/ et al.-loving punks *all* dug the Madonna, man. They totally all knew the words to "Lucky Star" kinda thing. Check that video, man. She certainly looked liked she smelled like a punk.

//////more to come//////